A wife lost three panties in her house. She blamed her maid in front of her husband. The maid replied: "Sir, ikaw jud ang testigo, di man ko tig-panty di ba?!"

TEACHER: Pedro, use him & give in a sentence.
PEDRO: I'll call him because I will give the gift.
TEACHER: Very good! Ikaw Juan?!
JUAN: Sisiw! Si maam HIMsog dili halata nga GIVEtok.

A husband came home 4 am and saw his wife in bed with another man!
WIFE: (shouting) Where have you been?
HUSBAND: Who's that man?
WIFE: Grabe ka! Don't change the topic!

• Food for the rich:
  SUTUKIL- sugba tula kilaw
• Food for the poor:
  GIPUSIL- ginamos pus-an ug sili
• Food for the very poor:
  GITOOK- ginamos gitungtungan sa ok-ok

• LAWYER: Who stabbed you?
• CLIENT: Mahimo binisay-on imo pangutana sir?
• JUDGE: Interpreter, translate the question.
• INTERPRETER: Kinsa kuno si Tabyo?